Day 15 " Cheese & Boilers"

My God Bween your 2 days off went some quick. That being said you had a clear blast drinking beer and relaxing. Sure Angus Gerome text you a few times but you ignored them because you knew your time off would be very short lived. It really is amazing though Bween how much can happen in just 2 short nights away from work.

On night 1 Bween you made your fun little trip to the NSLC on Young St. This is the most convenient trip ever because you also walked into the Superstore and bought yourself Sushi and shit pills. Why would anyone ever buy the expensive ones when the no names are $3 cheaper for 6 shit pills, and they are made the exact same. You just can't understand people that have to own brand name shit pills, just boggles your mind. Either way, you go to the cash and pay for your necessities and are asked to donate a buck to the IWK. Hell yes, not only is this your moment to help a sick kid out, it's also your chance to sign the little paper "Pete Little." Bween you know most who read this blog may not know the story about Pete little but that's ok. His name must be mentioned at times like this no matter how distant the reader may be from your personal life.

So Bween your first night was great. Not only did you get a little sklow on but you also got some old pizza from pizza corner. While getting pizza the gut stands besides you and orders a Donair. You both stand observing the donair meat cutter. This thing is amazing. There seems to be no contact between this mystery meat and the blade and it somehow cuts perfectly. You then realize it just has some wizard power (electrical arc) which pulls massive chunks of Donair meat to the wizard workers hands. You can't help but crack a joke about how life would suck without a donair cutting contraption like this. To your surprise the wizard worker turns and says "you have no idea how tough life is without this thing." He then goes into detail about how it broke down once and donair cutting became the worst task any man or wizard could be assigned to do. He also proceeds in telling you the device cost $2000 to repair. You then leave and don't know how you feel about the donair discussion that just occured.

Night 2, well Bween let's not talk about night 2.

Today Bween you head to Sobeys to buy some sodium filled meals for work. As you are looking around a woman says "Excuse me sir, would you like to try a sample of extra old PEI cheese." You can't help but think it's NS cheese now that it's in NS but whatever, you don't start an argument and you try it. It tastes bitter and lumpy and stale. You love it Bween. She then tells you where its located so you go over to look at it to seem polite. She then asks you if she can take your picture looking at the cheese. Who is this creepy woman? Ah well you make a pose for far too long since she has to wind her camera. Really? Who owns those bad boys anymore? Either way Bween your head grows a little larger. Not only do you play in a famous country group called the Wildcats, but your going to be on the cover of a PEI cheese magazine. You can't help but assume everybody across the country gets their own copy of PEI cheese magazines. You can just picture it now, the title will say "SAY CHEESE." Fuck, how terrible is it that your gunna be the cheese guy, ah well. No such thing as bad publicity....right?

Ok Bween your back at work and just beat Mike Tysons punchout online using the game genie. You cant get damage yet you still lose a fight? The sandman dummies you quite a bit and wins in a decsiion. Even though you knocked him down a total of 6 times (2 times per round, this is why there was no TKO) and he didn't knock you down once. Imagine going to a boxing match Bween and the winner of the match got knocked down 6 times. This just isn't right.

Anyway Bween, life is pretty good. Your relaxing with Angus Gerome and your FB creeping midgets. This night shall fly!

Thanks Boiler Gods.

Bween
4:33am

Day 14 " Breaks from Boilers"

Bween, good that you're back to yourself and happy today. You feel pretty bad over last nights blog but they just don't know you that well Bween. They don't know how down and lazy you become without your tea. Sure the option of black tea was there last night but it's not the same. Without 2% titty juice in there you may as well be drinking the piss from Devon Brownhills urinal. Ok Bween too far, that's just too far.

As the night goes on you can't help but wonder how your two fingers show zero sign of any cuts. You finally realize that Ms. Mason must've been sent from the boiler gods to rid you of all your pains in half the time of a normal human. From this day forward you will refer to her has Wizard Mason since 2000 years ago everyone referred to Christ as Wizard Jesus didn't they? Didn't they?

Bween you are so excited that this is your last shift for two nights. Finally you and Angus Gerome will get a geak from this 14 day statre down you have been having. Not that you feel any hatred towards this warm soul, but he is starting to remind you of the days living in residence at SMU with your French roomate which you could not escape. That being said, Frenchy was far colder than you could ever be A.G.

Apparently today, when Devon Brownhills Cover worker was on, Angus Gerome started acting up. He passed out twice and C Dawg had to revive him. You can't help but feel that he is only acting this way because he knows you're the next to take time away from him Bween. He has never been away from you in so long that the fire inside his blessed soul is beginning to diminish. Tonight you must rub his side and stress the fact that you will return this Thurs night for the love of him and all the blog followers who support your every move in this little hut of warmth.

For the rest of the night Bween you musn't think of the Heinekens that lie ahead tomorrow, but you must focus hard on work and work only. This may be a tough shift of watching American Gangster but someone has got to do it. Maybe tonight bween you can sit the opposite direction and allow Angus Gerome to look over your shoulder and watch along with you. This will soothe his blessed soul and allow you guys to enjoy a nice date night before your early morning departure.

Cheers to the break from blogs and boilers.

Bween
12:35am
(*Back with blogs about days off on Thurs night. God Bless)

Day 13 " Black Tea and Boilers"

Bween what's with forgetting your little mayonnaise jar full of milk tonight? Great job douche bag.


Bween
4:48am

Day 12 "Nightmares & Boilers"

How good is being able to piss inside the boiler room urinal Bween. After so much trying to leak out the crack in the back door you and Devon Brownhill just couldn't handle the smell of superheated piss no longer. You guys should have known boiler heat and the pool of floor piss just don't mix. So while you were being lazy resting up for your shift, Devon Brownhill crafted up a hose and funnel system where you two can now share penis germs together and piss in this tiny funnel which drains to the pavement outside. Genius Devon, Pure Genius. Not only do you rid this place of horrid smells, but you heavily reduce the risk of melting your forskin when squeezing behind the boiler with your jimmer jammers poking out. Devon, you really should have been a part time plumber aside from your Daycare job.

Ok Bween, the urinal makes you happy and the night is going ok but then you suddenly realize the time changes over tonight. Holy shitballs that's not fair, you are now in for a 13hr shift rather than a 12. This shouldn't seem like an issue Bween but you know how 1 hour within these walls is the equivalent of 4 in the real world which is also like watching Cornation St back to back. This just isn't fair Bween. Isn't fair at all!!

Well Bween, now everyones names online are "this is going to be the bestest Halloween ever!!" They couldn't possibly be having more fun than you? I mean come on, your basket is full of candies to hand out to any kids who may decide to trick or treat at the boiler rental room in the Dal parking lot. You're watching Tombstone while wearing a Freddy Kruger mask and your sipping tea while battling stomach cramps. There is no way everyone else is having a better time than you, are they?

So Devon Brownhill decides to land in the middle of the shift while drunk as fuck and dressed up like a 400lb stripper with pancake nipples. Why Devon Why? Did you really have to come in and show Bween how much fun this night is outside a 40 foot aluminum container, that has a noisy ass boiler and a faded piss smell still lingering. Eat shit Devon Brownhill, Eat shit!!

So Bween you're now sipping tea and watching the clock move backwards (literally). Man how fun is logging readings at 1am twice in a row. Who ever invented this silly system? Perhaps they had something amazing happen to them at 1am and somehow were powered by Jesus to go back and re-live that 1am feeling all over again without bothering to wait for 24 hours? Who knows. All you know Bween is that person can go fuck themselves unless it just so happened to be you who did that in a past life.

Ok Bween it's Nov first, time to set up the xmas tree and get out the egg nog and xmas tunes. Let the Festivities begin, for we all know the lord Jesus Christ was really born in a boiler room!

Amen

Bween
(4:39am which was once known as 5:39am which was also known as closer to my get to go home time.)